Why be one or the other when you can be both?

Something that is rarely discussed when giving dating advice to single guys or even relationship advice to the guy who has been married for years is being viewed as a “Lover” or “Provider”. This is a long very complex topic that I could write a book about. With that said this is going to be a short post about this topic.

The Lover

The Lover usually gets laid a lot more!

This guy is viewed as a sexual being pretty much immediately. This is the guy that women want to sleep with within a few minutes of meeting them and is viewed by most women as a “player” or “ladies man”. Now The Lover doesn’t have to be some ripped guy who looks like Brad Pitt’s body double. He is a guy who is very good at attracting women quickly, sexualizing interactions, and is always going for the close. He doesn’t hide the fact that he likes to get laid and he usually has no interest in a relationship. Think Ryan Gosling in Crazy, Stupid, Love.

Now to most guys that seems pretty damn awesome! Who wouldn’t want to be the guy who women are attracted to immediately and think of him as a sexually viable partner? The downside to The Lover is that he is viewed as just a man to have sex with and not someone to be in a relationship with and can often be viewed as “the bad boy” or “the dangerous type”. Now for most guys this might be fine until they meet a girl they actually want to have a relationship with. Which is the downside of being viewed as The Lover.

The Provider

Why isn’t she getting off the damn couch to help?

This type of guy is often viewed as “the safe choice”. He is viewed as a stable guy who can support a family, won’t cheat, and seems like a nice guy. He generally doesn’t create instant attraction and is the type of guy that women have to warm up to or know for a little while before she sees him as a guy to sleep with.

Now don’t think of the typical nice guy that you see in a lot of movies because The Provider doesn’t have to be the typical “nice guy” and he doesn’t necessarily have to be a guy who doesn’t get laid very often, with that said the nice guy usually falls in this category. The Provider generally does date most of the girls he sleeps with.

Being Both

Every guy should strive to be both The Lover and The Provider. Why? You want to be the guy who doesn’t have issues meeting women and that they’re attracted to immediately. This will give you options when it comes to dating, allow you to figure out what you really do like in a woman, and getting laid more makes life more fun! Once women do get to know you it’s important that they come to also view you as The Provider so when you do meet one you want to have a relationship with she will view you as someone worthy of dating. You have to be like an onion where you peel back one layer to find another layer.

Ryan Reynolds in the movie Definitely Maybe is a great example of someone who is both The Lover and The Provider.

Once you’re in a relationship being viewed as both will keep the relationship more interesting and help keep things from being boring. The Lover generally keeps things exciting in a relationship but eventually fails because his partner doesn’t trust him or he isn’t stable and they don’t see a future with him. The Provider on the other hand is trustworthy, stable, and a woman will see a future with him but eventually that flame dies out because he doesn’t keep things exciting. To be honest The Provider is often the guy that women cheat on.

Getting out there learning how to successfully meet and attract women will help develop the characteristics of The Lover but improving your life by having a life that women want to be apart of and also being a trustworthy person will help keep the women you choose to date around. After all most people want to eventually date someone. Now this is a pretty basic breakdown but everything I post about is to turn you into both The Lover and The Provider. Like anything in life this won’t be easy but at least on this journey you get to have sex!