Disclaimer : Most people whether it is a man or woman have a lot to offer other people. Most people are generally pretty cool and worth knowing. Once you date enough you will learn how hard it is to find a truly special woman!
A member of one of the dating websites that I give advice on recently posted a message his brother sent him when he was starting to become a little obsessed with a certain woman. He decided to post his brother’s response which he gave me permission to share. You might not agree with it but I think many people will. Without further build up here you!
So I recently started dating this girl, and started to feel a little too obsessed and needy. The rest of the world might have called it “really liking” her, but I was concerned I was coming down with a case of the oneitis. So I sent a Facebook message on the issue to my brother who lives over seas. His response was so helpful, I thought I’d share it with you all. Enjoy.
On oneitis: there are 6,973,738,433 people in the world. Let’s say that 50% are women, that makes 3,486,869,220 women in the world. Let’s take out 60% of them due to being too young or too old, and you’re looking at 1,394,747,688 women. That’s nearly 1.4 billion, with a “B”, women in this world and you have a pass to travel anywhere the fuck you want.
In all fairness, every trait, every quality that you think is so important to who this girl is, exists in a vast, VAST number of girls in this world, likely, given what I, your brother, know about YOU, and what I know about her, there’s nothing so specific with her that you’re not likely to find in, mmm, let’s say 5% of the women you’re in contact with on a daily basis. The Denver-Aurora-Boulder Combined Statistical Area had an estimated 2008 population of 3,049,562. 50% makes 1,524,781 take 40% of them for age and then take 5% for quality makes 30,496 women in your immediate area that are just as good if not better than this girl.
Well more than THIRTY-THOUSAND women all around you that have different tastes in music, literature, movies, books, sexual proclivities, philosophical stand-points, jokes, hair color, badonkadonks, political affiliations, professional contacts, pubic hair shaving patterns ALL with as much to offer as that “one”, THAT O-N-E oneitis girl.
Shut the fuck up and get over your narrow viewed superficial she’s-the-most-important-because-I-say-she-is BULLSHIT! The girl at the coffee shop, the one walking down 16th street, the one at the gym, the one in the elevator, the one, the two, the fucking three dozen at the bar, you don’t know dick about them and anyone of them could be one of those THIRTY-FUCKING-THOUSAND. Anyone of them could offer you an intimate and emotional experience you haven’t even thought of, but, what? This one’s special because she’s got blonde hair, nice tits and works as a real-estate manager? Come-the-fuck-on!
Meet an astro-physicist that likes anal play and we can talk about unique. The stripper with a an open-minded girlfriend an a penchant for camcorders? OK, you’ve got a case there, but no matter how attractive, no matter how sane, no matter how intelligent, no matter how fun a girl is, show me her in a 6 month relationship and I’ll show you a guy that’s sick of putting up with her bullshit.
That’s not to say that there aren’t good, fun, awesome girls out there, but any guy, ANY GUY, thinking that she’s perfect and the only one, is fucking deluded and at very least, not playing the odds. You’re a math major, a realist, like me, and no matter how entrenched we get in the WUV romance, no matter how blinded we get because of the oxytocin and media bombardment of being the guy at the airport begging her not to get on that flight, you and I both know, that there’s another girl, probably just in the next terminal, waiting for us to show her our fish tank.
And if you want something real, here it is: Even if you get her, she’s not going to stay with you if you think she’s THE ONE. The only way to make a long term relationship work is with mutual respect, which means you have your limits and WILL WALK AWAY if they’re violated and not reconciled, and expect her to do the same.
Let the oneitis rule for a while. You might get her into bed treating her like a princess, but she can’t respect you as a mate if you’re subservient, any more that you could respect her if she kowtowed and never had any respect for herself.
You want this girl for real? Have some respect for yourself and know that she’s competing for YOU. You’re my brother. You’ve got a better jaw line, better hair line, better BMI, higher paying job, and *I* fuck girls like they’re ramen noodles: two packs a day. You have got everything going for you and don’t need to put up with bullshit or think you don’t have options. If you want her she’s lucky, and you had better god damned have that attitude or she never will.